Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
