Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
