You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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