Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
