I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
