im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
