Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
