a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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