i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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