What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
