My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
