you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You ate ashes out of my bong
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
