I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
