You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
