I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
