i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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