i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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