i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
