I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
