Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
