ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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