Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
