Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This is the high leading the old right now
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
