I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
