I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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