no, he came in my armpit
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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