My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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