I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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