it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
