Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
