Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
