They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
