Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
