life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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