I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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