no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
