I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
