Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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