I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
