a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize