Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
