I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
