that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
