so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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