Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
