Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize