What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
