Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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