I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
