I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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