Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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