I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
