As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
