i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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