ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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