Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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