haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
