I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
