this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Did I show you my penis last night?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
