Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
