I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
