I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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