Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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