I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
