omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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