I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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