So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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