do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
