Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
