Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
