thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
