Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
