Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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