I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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