I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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