Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
