I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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