Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
