my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
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