Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
