he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just googled if crying burns calories
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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