# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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