I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
